The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It says in our preamble to be able to understand and give them encouragement to the a,my a don't ever get drunk he drinks everyday but just a couple helps his paiin.someone plz help me to understand the .....to be able to understand the a and give them encouragement. Thank you
-- Edited by lookingup on Saturday 26th of July 2014 12:38:14 PM
For me understanding the alcoholic simply means that I accept that alcoholism is a disease, and that like, every other human being the alcoholic deserves to be treated with courtesy and respect. I accept that I am powerless over the disease and remember to take care of my own needs instead of having unrealistic expectatons of the alcoholic,
For the alcoholics in my life I try to set an example, im in a recovery program, im happier, positive, much better so my encouragement comes from setting a good example in my own life.
Keep it all about you, what do you need to do for your own recovery right now?
This has always been hard for me too. There's a degree to which we can give encouragement to the alcoholic. Understanding can be difficult too. Sometimes the A puts us through hell...therefore I look at the do's and dont's as well...don't be a DOORMAT. I understand alcoholism is a disease, I will give encouragement to my AH if he is showing an effort to work a recovery program...but if he isn't working a program...what am I supposed to be encouraging him for?? That's the part I don't get. Am I supposed to be his cheerleader in the background?? That isn't my job. Maybe someone else can shed some light on this.
I guess I need to look at giving encouragement as setting an example...more of a subtle thing than being a cheerleader. I don't know. Sometimes things can be interpreted in different ways.
I agree that things can be interpreted differently. I understand that alcoholism is a disease that I have no power over. I can't influence it one way or another. I have no power over my AS either. I've attended Al-Anon for years and he is still active in his disease. I can encourage my AS to get help and then leave him to his own choices and the consequences of those. One of the gifts of the program for me has been learning to focus on myself and not on my alcoholic relatives. I don't have to be mean to them, lecture, nag, scold, punish or roll my eyes at them. I also don't have to spend my time considering what else I can do for them, with them, or around them. I can pray for them. I can love them by letting them be and do exactly as they do without my interference. I can witness how the disease affects them and learn how to separate the disease from the person in Al-Anon. I can admit that the disease has affected me badly, learn in what ways and choose to make changes that increase my self-awareness and help release me from a prison that is alcoholism-induced that I didn't cause, can't control and can't cure.
As I understand it, one of the precepts of Al-Anon is that we find a way to have good wishes toward the A, and hopes for his/her recovery, while also not waiting for it or focusing on it. In fact I think our role in the A and their possible recovery is probably way down the list of things Al-Anon encourages us to do. Primary is developing detachment (loving if possible, in time) and taking good care of ourselves. It is all too easy for our "encouraging" the A to turn into trying to control their path toward recovery. Which we know is just slamming our head against a brick wall, and which distracts us from our own recovery. Our own recovery is the best encouragement we can do.
