Feeling lost and alone - Al-Anon Family Group

lilsis64 · Newbie

Feeling lost and alone

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. I know what you're feeling, and it's very tough. I lost my younger brother to this disease. He was next to me in age, we had our own language, stuff like that made us so close. Although I'll never get over it and although I'll never forget him, I have come to enjoy life again. (I'm living for both of us now; I get to make the most of it.)

First, your loss is new to you. You must realize it is at its most raw. Count on your life improving over time.
Your box of ashes is not all that is left of her. Your memories of her, her influence on others, the love she sowed during her lifetime will last.

By reading that you are new to all of this, I assume you are also new to AlAnon. Welcome to the way back to peace and acceptance. I encourage you to find and attend meetings in person. The phone book will provide you with a way to find meetings nearby. There you will find a way to make it through this difficult time for you, and you will come to appreciate what life has in store for you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh dear one you are so raw still in your grieving. It's so sad to lose our loved ones. I remember getting my husbands ashes, my kids and I put them into this beautiful creek in the mountains.

Sometimes we can feel so alone with people around us. It's hard but it is ok to ask others for help, if you need a hug ask, or if you cannot fact getting groceries alone, or going to doctor or need to get out and be in someone else home, ask.

Others will feel hopeless as they do not know what they can do to help you. They would love it if you tell them.

Grief is horribly hard work and takes so much energy.

Please keep coming, believe me you are very welcomed here, there are plenty of us who have experience a death of a loved one who was an addict.

Please keep things as simple as you can, think about what you need. sending you hope! love,debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry to learn that your sister died of this disease. I can certainly understand how lost you feel right now and how alone. As the x of a husband who died early, a mother of an adult son with this disease, a sibling to multiples with this disease - one who has cirrhosis and a mental illness on top of the alcoholism, I know that it isn't just our loved ones who suffer, we do, too. Al-Anon has helped me live with as much joy as I can do that. It also taught me that my loved ones' diseases are their issues and only they could decide to get help or not. We didn't cause it and no matter how much we loved our family members, we can't and couldn't control or cure this disease. That was up to them and their higher power. Much encouragement and support for you. Please keep coming back and attending Al-Anon meetings, too.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Susan, Welcome to Miracles in Progress Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive fatal disease and I am so sorry that you lost your little sister to it. I lost my only son 7 years ago at the age of 41 to this disease and do understand the pain and sadness of which you speak
.Alanon face to face meetings saved my sanity and life. It is here that I was surrounded by the compassion, love and understanding of others who understood as few others can.

We have many tools to help deal with the regrets of the past and fear of the future Please search out meetings and attend Please keep coming back here as well. You are not alone an there is help and hope. Today I can think of my son and smile at the sweet memories that surface.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I'm so sorry you lost your sister to alcoholism. It's a terrible disease. Please try to be good to yourself as you grieve her. Just like in life, I doubt our lost loved ones want us to suffer with so much sadness. I hope you'll keep coming back to share with us. It sounds like she showed you her love while battling her alcoholism. You'll always have those good memories to keep and hold close. I think the Alanon book Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses I think it's a really gentle and wonderful book. I like to recommend it to friends in the program. ((hugs)) TT

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

So much loss; I am sorry. I can only imagine what it felt like to receive your beloved sisters ashes. How wonderful that you found us, now you have companions that understand. Hugs.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Susan and again welcome to the board I also suggest you find and attend face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area for the same reasons that others have mentioned here. It saved my sanity and my life also. Loosing anyone to this most horrible of all diseases is the saddest event I have ever attended and I have more than my share of that. Watching the drinker expire or the innocent victim of it is soul boggling. Some of the other emotions which show up at the end of a life are guilt an shame often for not being more than enough for the person who has died or for making choices regarding ourselves rather than the alcoholic victim. It took me a lot of time and work to come to an understanding of this disease and the insanity that is attached to it. Learning the 3 Cees in Al-Anon, "I didn't CAUSE it, I cannot CONTROL it and I will never be able to CURE it, gave me early reality and perspective which greatly lessened my guilt and shame. You got a hole in your life now as I did when my alcoholic/addict and I split up. I learned to call it a "God shaped" hole because that is who I chose to replace the alcoholic/addict in my life when she was gone. See if you can find Al-Anon in your telephone book and if the number is there call it and find out where and when we get together in your town. Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) smile

PAOCT2008 · Newbie

I am also feeling lost and alone. My husband died over a year and a half ago due to alchoholism and somedays are better than others. I would not have gotten through his death without the help of my sponosor. I miss him terribly but I realize I have to accept the fact that he is gone. My friend said to me today to remember that he is in a better place now, and that I am too. I said he is no longer suffering, and she said yes, you were suffering too. I realize that. I realize he is no longer suffering and I have to Let Go and Let God. I will keep that in mind. I hope everyone reading this remembers that too.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.