Update on scuffle .. - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Update on scuffle ..

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry Serenity. It is very difficult to witness your child bullied or treated badly. Have you contacted the School?

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

It's not a school issue Betty, .. this happened at the apartment complex we are living at. It's low cost housing .. it's just something that the kids will have to learn to deal with from time to time. I think because they do have the personalities that they do .. they are not as vulnerable as they could be .. people tend to look out for them and I'm grateful for that.

It's unfortunate I didn't witness it as I have already contacted the police .. this woman is walking a fine line of hate crimes in my mind and she really doesn't want to keep her little thugs messing with me or my kids. These are the little turds who broke my back gate and tried to enter my home through the sliding glass door while the kids and I were gone.

I wish it was a school issue AND this is exactly why I DO put them in private school these issues happen .. they are addressed when they do happen and they are not tolerated.

Hugs S :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear you Keep on being vigilant and listening to your children You are their best advocate. Prayers for all

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Aw thats sad serenity, hes lucky to have a mum like you, you wo t stand for any nonsense. I agree, haters just like to hate, any excuse will do. Its funny, when I see bad behaviour now I always wonder if there is alcoholism somewhere in the family, its never an excuse thougn.x

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hurt people hurt people comes to my mind. My grandson is also biracial and has been bullied more for his size than anything. Things got so bad for him on the school bus with one driver and 62 kids with no supervision to speak of that we pulled him off the bus and I drove him to school every day when my daughter couldn't do it. He is now in high school and has witnessed gambling in the restrooms and kids passing drugs. There is very little supervision in the cafeteria and none in the restrooms. A law was passed in the last few years that won't allow a teen to legally leave school at 16. They can't until age 18. In some ways that is a good thing. In other ways, it keeps the kids who don't care about getting an education free to behave anyway they want with little to curtail their bad behavior in our school system.

One of his teachers' car was stolen as she taught class by one of the students in the class who took the opportunity to steal her keys from her purse when she left the classroom. Of course, he was arrested and unfortunately, the teacher seems to allow all sorts of bad behavior or is forced to allow it in her classroom. The teen's choice to steal the keys from her purse because she left it behind while choosing to leave a classroom of teens unsupervised to me was a poor choice on her part. I wouldn't want to be a teacher in today's public school system for anything. I also will not support bad behavior on the part of my grandson and although he can talk over what is happening with both his mother and me, we encourage his staying with the kids who are doing their classwork, are involved in good stuff, show respect for teachers and parents and don't try to play hero in the restrooms or the classrooms. I don't know what the answer is but I do know that poverty isn't an excuse for bad behavior nor is race or even parents.

I do think that holding children responsible for their bad behavior early on and encouraging their natural talents might help our children recognize that bad behavior does have consequences and healthy behavior gains healthy support. I also believe that teachers need more help in their classrooms and school buses need more than 1 driver to transport so many kids in varying stages of age, health and needs. The constant focus on success now at even pre-school age puts too much pressure on our kids and doesn't allow them room to play and enjoy learning as they're tossed into classrooms with other people's kids in large numbers, one or two adults responsible for so much, and the constant push to produce according to legislation that may not even fit children's emotional abilities is insanity to me.

It might not be a bad idea for both of your children to learn martial arts that teaches concentration and working with your opponent's energy. I don't like using bodies as weapons but I do think there are some forms of martial arts that help a child gain knowledge on ways to protect themselves without becoming aggressors. The "Y" might be a good resource for this type of thing if you're interested, Serenity.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

I hate this kind of stuff and this is the BIGGEST reason I left the Baltimore/Washington DC areas. I grew up in NJ where people were very tolerant of others: mixed, white, black, Italian, Jewish, Asians, etc and I never grew up with racism or judging people for their differences, whether they be religious differences or race or ethnicity. When I lived in Baltimore I was astounded at how much I had the racism coming AT ME. It turned my stomach and I was so grateful for the opportunity to move out west.

I'm sorry for your son, but I know it's just a fact of life in many parts of the world. I had my son watch, "To Kill a Mockingbird" so he could understand a bit about racism and how even good Christians can judge people based on the color of their skin. He couldn't wrap his head around it because there isn't too much racism out here in AZ. Jerks? Yep, we got those. But, racists tend to keep quiet around here. He hears most of the racist stuff from his own father, but that's a whole other story, LOL. HUGS to you and your son today!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

This is an issue that utterly breaks my heart. I hate it, I hate bullying in any form and I have to be careful that I do not behave, in retaliation, with aggressiveness. I like grateful's suggestion of martial arts. I see this as an activity that can provide confidence and quiet power. I am sorry, Serenity, that you and yours are experiencing bullying all around.

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm joining Betty with prayers for all involved.

SrU, you certainly have a full plate.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I talked to my mom about it when it happened and she said she wants to pay for the classes .. there is so much stuff I would love to do .. it's not within my financial means .. yet .. it will be .. not today. I was grateful when she got so upset .. her thing was .. lay hands on MY grandson I don't THINK so .. LOL! I laughed to myself. I am currently looking into classes that fit my schedule.

My thought was immediately what was going on in the home that these children thought this is completely ok behavior .. I was VERY not happy about that .. you know it is what it is at this point and what more can I do. I did talk already to the apartment complex and they told me to file a police report .. I did what I could .. unfortunately the officer told me that there was nothing he could do at this point because it was more of a situation of he said that they said kind of deal. He did tell me I did the right thing by calling because now it is documented.

I'm very grateful as well that my guy has some good kids to play with and they are sure good kiddos I met the parents and they are nice folks.

Hugs S :)

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

The "Y" does offer scholarships if you're ever interested in that? Maybe you already knew that and I'm preaching to the choir? Anyway - glad your Mom is going to help with these classes for them.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't even know if I should say what I want to.

I raised a son and his friends. This stuff will only get worse as he grows older. Then he too will fight back. And honey these days, that includes knives and guns.

I spent years working with gang kids, kids who carried, many had no conscience at all. Many were fas, fetal alcohol syndrome affected. They are NO ONE to mess with.

My own son got caught taking a knife to school in junior high! He was so scared.

I have to say this. If it were me I would move far away from there. NO kidding. That kind of violence now has to be taken very seriously. As you can see the parents support that behavior.

The schools also support the behavior by not allowing anyone to defend themselves. If one does they get the same outcome as the bully.

We being women do not understand or relate to testosterone gone crazy. These boys are insane. I am not kidding.

I hate sharing this, but it can be life and death. Honey i had to FACE some of these bullies, it was before I worked with them, I came home shaking. I was a widow and had no man to help me. NO way was I going to allow this crap. BUT Its almost twenty years later now and it is so much worse.

i am sick for you right now. Scuffle? nope, this is war. this is gang behavior.

being ignorant I had many kids of color who liked me, i treated them with respect but took no bolony. one time this very sweet girl said, Debi you don't know this, dont say I told you. Then she told me those boys were in the biggest gang in that part of oregon. to be careful..

he needs to know how to protect himself, where to run for help. go to homes onthe way to school or your neighbors, ask if they would allow him and friends to come to them if they are scared. they need a cell to call 911.I would get him into karate or some other self confidence building knowledge no question.my kids were to call me anytime anywhere, and i let the schools know this. I made it crystal clear!!!! My kids always walked home together with others as a group.

i kept a baseball bat in my truck.

we have to be able to stand up and say no, or know how to get away. NOT say anything back, not have any reaction and get away. Quietness puts them off balance as they cannot gauge what yu will or can do.

I am getting a gun right now. I don't like it, but sadly I have faced I need it. Just having some knowledge how to keepsafe helps us.

it was true. for me it would not be worth anything to stay where my kids are not safe. there are safer places.

You and fam are in my prayers. !!-

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Deb,

I wish I could move the problem is I'm not divorced and there is NO where outside of moving to the country which is where I was and isolating the kids .. it wasn't good for them either. Plus I can't afford 1400$ in rent forget about utilities to move where the rest of the "white flight" (that's the term for what is happening here) happens. You would think that their father would not want them in these situations .. do you think he cares or he even knows? No .. of course he doesn't. So I have to continue to go to court spend money I don't have, to deal with a situation he knows nothing about .. he doesn't care. He only cares about how he looks .. he could care less about the safety of the kids or me .. that is MY issue as far as he's concerned .. if he really cared .. I wouldn't have to have support garnished out of his wages.

I'm very grateful for the school that they are in and I hope to continue to keep them there it is a parochial school and for them this has been the right answer for me.

I went to school at the gang schools where we were escorted by police to the buses on some days because the gangs thought AC/DC at the time was rival gang. I watched a kid in school be smacked out of his chair by his s/dad during class. The teacher was horrified and guilt ridden about what took place as he called the father in because of behavioral issues. He never called that father again. That was over 20 years ago. I am very familiar with issues that go with this kind of area .. I just never thought I would be living in the middle of it.

I continue to believe that God has a better plan for the kids and I .. it's all I can do or I would be fretting everyday and not going to work .. I just can't feed the negativity. Whatever these children's issues are .. they are not my problem and yes .. I will teach my son to fight back, just like I will and just like my daughter will .. I refuse to live in fear and I will not teach my children to do that .. what a horrible world that I would have to teach my children to live in fear. So not happening.

Anyway, it's all good my son has his friends and they are all doing just fine. They look out for each other and if push comes to shove they DO have a father who is involved and I can talk to their parents about the best way to handle this situation. He happens to be the "right" color in this woman's eyes.

On a very positive note my son had a hard life lesson that was a good life lesson at the same time .. mean people suck, he doesn't have to stay a victim to their behavior. I am grateful that he sees the value of that lesson.

Hugs S :)

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