The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi guys, my name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
Recently Ive been examining my relationships with people and the ones that make me unhappy. I asked why they were making me so unhappy and what it was about them that left me wanting more internally. Then one day I saw a saying that went Be around people that will celebrate you and not simply tolerate you. and that really stuck with me.
I have never felt celebrated by these people. Everyone that Ive kind of lassoed into my circle of friends are all people who Ive always felt I had to live up to. They always set their own standard for who I should be and what I should be. I never lived up to their standard. They tolerated me, they didnt celebrate me.
It goes back to growing up in a town where we were the have-nots among the haves, my mother wanted so bad for people to believe we were something that we just werent. I bought that and brought that mentality to my friendships. I felt I had to impress you and you had to like me cause afterall you were a have and you are what I should aspire to be...you set the standard.
Even when it was obvious that I didnt fit in, I would keep fighting for you to like me. Even when I was clearly miserable and uninterested in what you enjoyed, Id still get upset if you didnt invite me. Id try to convince you that my way was the right way....How can you not see it my way !!!....just like with the alcoholic...How can you not see this is a problem!!.....wow....
Slowly but surely, I have been figuratively picking off these friends from my life. One by one they are being dropped and as I pursue my interests and become who I am meant to be I am developing new friends where I feel celebrated and not simply tolerated. I feel much more free, like I have a choice and I dont care what these people say about me anymore. Heck, I likely don't even come up in conversation and I am totally ok with that.
Put yourself in places where you are celebrated and not simply tolerated ! You deserve it !
Thanks jim, I really enjoyed your share, full of awareness and I can relate to all that you say. I also spent my life people pleasing, fearing the real me wasnt good enough and not really knowing who the real me was. Im also working on that today. I want to be true to myself and accept that not everyone will like me and thats the way it should be really, im not going to be everyones cup of tea and it takes a lot of manuipulation and energy to make people like the false me. So, to hell with that, i am what I am, wasnt there a son about this way back? Gloria gaynor I think. Good for us jim, were getting closer to living our own truth and having a great relationship with ourselves.x
