The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am very down this morning. I don't feel much like talking to anyone but I do want to share on here. I am going through a lot of trials in my life right now. I thought that I was doing OK for awhile but now it seems that things are going terribly wrong. I can't seem to shake the sadness. I have already shared most of my issues on here lately. I just feel so anxious & frustrated too. Yesterday, I lost it on the phone w/ my mom. I am starting to really lose my cool w/ her. She hasn't really been doing that well lately & it is really affecting me. I am basically strung out today. I have some guilt too. She is going to move away & there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am powerless. One of my friends is trying to convince me to give her a going away party. I was on board before that but now I don't really feel like doing it. She has a lot of friends up here that would really like to say Goodbye. I just feel so much pressure right now & in the state I am in today, I don't know if I will be able to do anything for her. Yeah, I probably have enough time & time sometimes changes things. I just need to get over some of the issues I am having w/ her. She is not currently the mom I used to know. And, she is telling my sister that my husband & I aren't supporting her or doing anything for her. I am basically tired of feeling bad about myself & don't want to be treated like I don't care. I just don't have time to deal w/ the insanity. I want to be sane & I believe I come first, right?
Sometimes if someone says something enough, I start to believe what they are saying even if it isn't true. I have felt in the past that other people are right & I am almost always wrong. I just don't feel my self-worth right now. I think I need to get back into the book.
Sounds like a lot of ambivalence for you, Kathleen. I've learned I can feel many different things at the same time and still be sane. It helps me to get quiet and ask my HP to show me the next right step to take and then do it. Otherwise, I'm confused and therefore confusing to my loved ones. Sending loads of understanding and support as you work through this hard time in the way that best fits you. Happy Easter, too.
