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Post Info TOPIC: Happy Easter (again) and other thoughts ..


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
Happy Easter (again) and other thoughts ..


Well, I'm beyond excited after 5 years of either no internet service, .. crappy internet service I am finally able to go and have REAL internet service and I broke down and got cable to go with it.  I may have to rethink that idea after a few months at least though for today we have it .. lol.  I hate spending this kind of money on tv and internet .. if I figure I was spending this monthly at Starbucks it kind of works itself out. 

Happy Easter to all who celebrate and many blessings/prayers to those who don't.  I finally got 7 hours of sleep and that was a huge blessing.  I'm grateful for the fact that I actually slept past 4AM that is a feat in itself .. I have had my alarm set for 4AM and have been up usually at 1 or 2AM just for fun .. what kind of fun I don't know .. I never found it! evileye

I don't notice how much I have changed really until I'm writing it here or someone else says WOW .. look at you!?  Well that was my experience in sharing my last post.  WOW .. I really hadn't noticed and I'm just in a really good place.  I like it too! biggrin  Now granted it won't always be like this because this too shall pass (that's ok .. it will come back!) .. I'm placing it in my emotional savings account.  A trick that Alanon has taught me to do. 

My stbax has decided that he needs to participate financially with me on this holiday (this is the 3rd since he's been out of the house) .. which is fine .. trust me it's not like I couldn't use the help.  I did not ask him to .. he reached out to me.  I guess our conversation bothered him a greater deal than I thought and you know that's ok .. it should have on many levels.  Again .. it's a moment and moments last as long as 5 days or a blink of an eye.  I'm just going with it one day at a time.  I'm ok with that too .. I really don't have any expectations that it will be different. 

He's a very sick thinking man and it's going to take a long time for his thinking to even begin to straighten out (I know I'm taking his inventory .. it's more observational .. I honestly don't mean anything else by it except it is what it is statement).  This is a stepping stone for him .. then good for him .. great for me and the kids .. that's ok too .. lol. 

Something that has changed is that I'm not waiting around for HIM to call me or text me .. this last week of contact really made that clear to me that I'm moving in the right direction and as sad as this is as we were having our mini come to Jesus conversation (ok .. more me than him .. LOL) I realized it was such an unfair match.  He never stood a chance with me mentally .. that's meant again in an observational way .. we play on two different ball fields I'm in the Majors (baseball talk) he's trying out for the Minors and hasn't made the team.  Trying to have that kind of conversation made me really know I had to keep things very simple for him to get and very shocking to jolt him.  He decided to do the next right thing I'm grateful for that fact.  Again .. money in hand then we can have conversation about he did the next right thing. 

He wanted to come by today and I told him it was going to be a crazy day and honestly I didn't know where I would be from one hour to the next .. he happened to be texting me on the way to church (at 1pm yesterday) .. LOL!  I listed out what our schedule was like and it was really insane as far as I need an extra 8 hours.  He had wanted me to stop by his apartment (with the kids) .. again no .. just not interested .. there is a clear boundary for me there .. he's in between girlfriends so I'm the next easy target and I have always been the easy target with him .. not anymore.  Tomorrow he's going to show up and think that there is dinner waiting for him and the reality is I plan on cooking early and having it all ready at 1130am the kids will eat, I will eat and it will be cleaned up by the time he gets here to spend time with the kids.  They will be LEAVING too!  LOL!  I told my children I get at least 5 hours of peace tomorrow that is their Easter gift to me .. my peace will be cleaning .. that's ok it's OUR home and I'm excited about that fact!!  Oh so 3 texts later from him and no response .. I'm in church DUH .. he finally says he'll just leave it in the mailbox .. LOL.  Ok.  Totally fine.  I told him that about 2 hours later .. seriously I don't think I've stopped for more than an hour at a time when I am up. 

Anyway, sorry for the book I have so much more recovery stuff to share of what I have learned recently .. it's crazy .. I mean talk about sliding down the rabbit hole .. just call me Alice!!   

Today I can say .. regardless of what happens today .. I will continue to remain happy and whole .. what he does or doesn't do .. that's his burden to carry .. I can tell that I'm getting emotionally lighter .. now if I can get physically lighter I'll really be on a roll!  biggrin  Ohhh .. I have been asked to think about speaking at a meeting .. I'm praying about that and seeing where it takes me. 

Hugs S :)  wink



__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:

Great choice in my book getting internet and letting the Starbucks go. I just can't believe how much money someone can spend each month on coffee...

I see your in a good place so lets keep it simple. That's what I have to do or I over think it and it all comes crashing down..lol.

You and your family have a great day tomorrow and let the happiness continue..

((( hugs )))


__________________

 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
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