It has been a very, very long week.  I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted in a good way.  The kids and I have been very busy.  I moved into my new place and finally today took the last load.  I was just ready to be done.  I could have done more .. honestly .. why bother .. I'm just to that point.  These people are whack a doo big time and .. all I can do is the best that I can do.  Moving into a 3brd townhouse from a 3 brd house.  There was a lot of crap that needed to go and it's wonderful that it's gone.  I still have so much to go through. 

On a side note .. my stbax did help.  He gets kudos for that .. however .. the entire time he kept saying well .. do what I do .. just don't pay them.  I was horrified .. and yet not surprised.  Which then got my brain twirling which was a good thing .. because I was so focused on what I needed to talk to my atty about it left me little time to worry about what he was and wasn't doing .. LOL.  It was very weird and I don't think he understands some of the boundaries.  The biggest one is there will be NO divorce until the tickets are paid and the truck is OUT of my name.  This was the start of what transpired .. his response was well what does that have to do with the divorce .. my response was EVERYTHING .. obviously he has no intension of paying as it doesn't effect him.  I was then informed how I didn't want the divorce .. LOL LOL LOL .. WOW!  Oookkk .. keep dreaming.  I will let the atty's deal with that aspect of things.  The last statement I made to him was about the fact he stated himself how he had moved on (like DUH .. he "moved on" during our marriage .. LOL ... many times and I am aware of that fact) and dated hundreds of women.  This used to hurt me a great deal .. now .. ehe .. whatever .. I'm glad I haven't been the one relationship jumping to get over hurts.  I am working on healing my person spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.  I laughed actually and that shocked him .. LOL .. my response was .. well it's good to know you have money to date and yet can't find it in yourself to pay for things such as dental, medical, glasses and the list goes on.  He tried to justify miserably a few things and I pointed out how little he has even seen the kids how would he even know what they were doing or needed?  I had given him a copy of receipts that I had and he needed to pay 50% of he has been so out of it he insisted he paid for 1/2 of my son's glasses it was my daughter's glasses and appointment he paid for.  That statement really hit him between the eyes.  I also brought up what happened in July, as well as his institutionalization, these are things that have never been discussed how these events hurt the children.  He was really shocked and it was a good insight for me again over how sick he is and how I have to .. and I do mean HAVE to stay on my side of the street and just let him do what he's going to do.  This is so on him.  It was a good thing.  I'm grateful that we had the conversation because for a moment even if it's already gone .. it was a big check for him.  By the time we went back to the other house he was very contrite and we will see if he follows through.  I don't think I'm asking for a lot .. maybe it's a lot for an alcoholic .. however whatever .. that's not my issue.  I'm not expecting miracles that's in God's hands not mine.  I am very aware he's between relationships and why not go back to the safety of me and the kids for now until the new flavor of the week comes along .. NOT .. that's just not enough and he's going to find out that after this visitation (it's on Easter) things will get back on a more normal keel and I won't have to deal with him on such close proximity. 

I really want to stress this is a big deal for me because before my response would have been to be hurt, play out the victim card and just buy into what he's selling and cave.  I was able to do this without a lot of anger .. the anger that was there was completely healthy.  There was no screaming, hostility, and so on .. it was all solid footing and I did feel upset when we were done .. it passed as fast as it came in.  Thank you Alanon for allowing me to express myself and not fall into the deflection of things.  So everything was on point and stayed on track.  That whole thing with you won't feel good long term .. umm .. I still feel good and figure it's going to last for the next 6 months.  I'm ok with that .. LOL.   This is a side of me he hasn't seen since the OP and I can tell how much I have healed and I am grateful.  Now .. he gets crazy guess what .. OP goes back into full effect.  I'm not going to play. 

The divorce is close and that was the other thing I brought up was the issue of moving .. I want to move .. I should have the right to move without having to go back into court and I want it in the decree.  He started to argue with me about the moving and I said .. after the last 2 years and what the kids and I have had to go through this is even a conversation?  All of a sudden he caved and that was great .. I'm hoping he will agree to it. 

Now I wait and see how things fall out.  He took the cats for me which was very nice of him.  I can't take my old lady for a few months I hope it all works out.  He seems to be grateful for the company.  His mom is very ill at the moment and it doesn't look good long term.  It's a shame and that's kind of how we wound up on the subject of me moving .. honestly what's keeping him here when she passes away?  I refuse to be stuck here.  Well and my mom and her age.

My job is going great I love love love it there.  The gal I work with is so neat I hope that it is always this way.  She's just a really nice person and it makes it so easy to work with her.  We have a good time. 

This weekend is Easter for those who celebrate enjoy .. for those who don't .. enjoy!  I love coloring eggs and the candy so we will have a good time.  I've also ordered internet and cable which is big news for me .. I figure what the heck at this point.  The kids will enjoy it and I will too.  Starbucks stock will drop now .. LOL. 

Hugs S :)