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AH and I are in the middle of a divorce completely on the part of my AH. He has been mentally and verbally for over a year and a half. He told me he wanted a divorce because he fell out of love with me and will never love me again. I found out two weeks later that he had a girlfriend and had taken her on a weekend trip out of town to meet his sister. He tells me he wants a divorce ASAP, he lies to me about the girl - she is just a friend he says. He treats me like I am a nothing and threw me away like trash. I have come to find out that he had been seeing the girl for over the last year and I suspected nothing of the affair. Needless to say this last year and a half has been a complete nightmare. Within the last couple of weeks I have been getting better and have come to the realization that my HP is removing this man from my life to spare me more hurt and abuse. I have had almost no contact with my AH during this time. Last week I go to my daughter's soccer game and he comes up to me and start makes small talk with me. I'm very cold with short answers, in my daughter's second game I make sure I am surrounded by other parents so that he will not talk or stand by me. I thought he got the hint that I don't want anything to do with him. This weekend he does the same thing, I'm standing alone and he comes up and stands right next to me and tries to make small talk. Again, I'm cold with short answers. I go to help the girls on the sideline and he comes over to help me. I am so frustrated, he has completely destroyed me in every way from self esteem to being betrayed by his affair. I'm trying very hard to move on and just stay away from him and have as little contact with him as possible. Why won't he leave me alone, it is like reopening a wound and pouring salt and lemon juice in it. He acts like he hasn't done anything wrong and we are friends, when he has hurt me the most in my life. Why is he doing this, it makes no sense what so ever.
Can I just say you are not alone I'm going threw the same thing but this I can not handle I need help I don't know who to go to with this . My ah is out of my house but working his manipulation threw my kid . Get her all upset then gets the whole neighbor upset because she is to hard to deal with. I was going to go to a meeting tonight but now not because my 11 is having a moment . My soon to be ex was right when he said if I leave him I be sorry that I would struggle well he right on that . He is making sure I do bye still making me feel like crap pity pot he plaing with me and stirring up the home . I honestly I have lost all hope for me and my kids to be happy . I might just take him back along with all the lies he saying to me on how better he is and life will be all new again . I guess I do what I have to to make the kids happy . I guess I would just have to live with the drink for ever . And put my life on hold again for another 13 years . I'm total stressed out right now .
I have no experience, and I'm sorry to opinionate a little here, but it sounds like he is manipulating to assuage his ego. Get you in a public place where you would be embarrassed to say anything about it.
Restraining orders work well for this kind of thing. So does actually saying your mind in public - say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
You are not trash, and you deserve to be loved the right way. My guess is that he never fell out of love with you, but rather he fell out of love with the idea that you no longer accepted his alcoholism. By making you feel like crap, he doesn't have to stare his failures in the face.
I feel unloved as long as I give another person the power to make me feel anything at all. Al-Anon helps me take back my own power to accept and love myself as I am one day at a time no matter how another person sees me, feels about me or treats me. In the end, its always about them anyway and never about me. My value and worth are determined by my HP and me - not by any other flawed human being. You are a miracle in progress and this world is better because you exist. I'm glad you're here.
Well, It sounds like you are detaching from him and he has realized this. The disease then kicks back with ways to make you react (with anger and anxiety).
When I had enough of my AH antics, I took the kids, pets and went to my Aunt's house for a few days. My AH got terribly worse....non-stop calls, texts (which I ignored)....then suicide threats and then all manner of threats that included extreme public humiliation.
I went and got a restraining order.
It seems when Al-Anon helps give you the strength to say "no" to the insanity----the insanity fights back.
I think you are experiencing the phrase "An Alcoholic is hard to get rid of"..........they enmesh themselves in your life.......whether you want them or not.
Keep calm and carry on.
Jill
__________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
Thank you all for you're words of wisdom. You are all just a wealth of information. I guess I'm just baffled by all of this as he was the one that left, he is the one who found the new woman and he is the one that wants the divorce. I don't understand why he would have anything to say to me. I know he is not in his right mind and his thoughts are extremely irrational. I just need to keep detaching and if it comes down to it I will get a restraining order to make him stay away for my own sanity.
Wisdom - I'm so sorry you are going through this too. This situation has been the hardest thing to go through. Just know that my prayers and thoughts are with you and that you can make a decision that is best for you and your kids.
