AD Still Does Not Want Me in her Life - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

AD Still Does Not Want Me in her Life

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

Thank you very much for your heartfelt share. ;)

oldergal · Senior Member

When my son treated me this way....I was all bummed out.....but someone said to me that it is HIS loss he was missing his great mother. Sometimes our sons and daughters wake up early, but sometimes it takes a life time, please don't stress its not worth it, you know where your intentions and your heart is and that is being true to yourself. ....og

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Greeneyes,

I have tended to be passive aggressive much of my life. I finally found out recently that, when I just reject (or withdraw) someone without telling them why, I think I have made them the victim. However, the other pary has no idea why I withdrew, so either wastes a lot of energy trying to figure out why I withdrew, or just finally gives up in disgust. I have finally given up most of my P/A ways due to this and some other realizations about myself. Most - progress is being made, but I'm not yet perfect!

So you definitely aren't the victim. you don't know why she has withdrawn, you only have some well reasoned conjecture. As you said, the issues are with HER, not you. That was always true with me when I withdrew. If I didn't have the cajones to say what the problem was and deal with the consequences, then it was my issue.

Peace
Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Green Eyes: I'm sorry this loss has occurred in your life. I know how it feels to be estranged from loved ones. I can't guess at your daughter's motivation - nobody knows why anybody does anything for certain - but, I can share my experience with you. Whenever my AS had disappeared or does disappear from my life, it is because he is doing things he is ashamed of or doesn't want to me to know about. I've learned in those times that it is better I don't know, don't have contact and can't reach him. Prayers for him keep me connected to him and yet out of his choices and consequences, too. An alcohol and addictive substances counselor of 30 years once told me that when I was in the life of my using loved ones, they felt judged. They didn't feel judged because I was judging them, but because I didn't use. My not using was like a finger pointing in their faces saying "shame." There was nothing and is nothing I could or can do to change that for them. All I can do is trust that in God's time and in God's way, we'll be brought together at the right time for all of us provided no one will be harmed.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 14th of April 2014 02:50:55 PM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Great decision Greeneyes, imagine life without this program. I would be a regular at those crappy pity party's.x

laststraw899 · Member

Grateful2be is absolutely right. I'm sure she would rather you think that she is angry with you than for you to think that she is consumed by her alcoholism. It's great that you have continued to offer her your love by occasionally reminding her with emails, as I'm sure that means the world to her, even if she won't acknowledge it. She will come to you when she is ready. Hang in there, and continue to focus on you. Mom's forget the we're important to.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I use to use anger as a separation tool...push others away because the closeness scared me or I was preoccupied with something else. Sometimes I was using the wrong justification for the separation yet I learned in the meantime there still is HP present and that I can rely on. Programs working in my life today. I will rely on the program. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

wow green, My daughter out of the blue would not communicate with me either! I have NO idea why! I have done all I can to get her to talk, write, email for not.

I am like you, it is horrible, however it is her problem. I know I have done nothing wrong. She is by no means an A either. She also has my grandson I no longer get to enjoy and we were close!

Been at least 3 years now. I took her off my fb, I took her off my life insurance too. She divorced me, has treated me cruely.

I have nightmares about her. I gave her and her brother the best life I could and was happy to compromise my life for the both. of course I did! They never went without, had most of their needs and wants. never were beaten sigh

I getcha. it is plain rude and hurtful hugs, debilyn

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Big Big virtual hug and all I can say is WOW .. I'm humbled by your program. When I get around to growing up :) I want to be like you! I needed to read this today for very different reasons. What a gift this is .. thank you. You have a right to be happy regardless of someone else's issues and you still love them anyway .. again a gift. Hugs s :)

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