Aloha Mitsy...been there done that and doing it presently...and for me... today... it isn't a problem because of the hope in the program.  I've sat 1 member meetings and am doing that now as we try to get one established in a rehab here in Hilo.  It is what it is and I will do my service until I understand it isn't going to work the way I am doing it.  It is a second meeting for the day looking for newcomers mostly from the clientele of the rehab.  I remember all to well those who sat in empty to almost empty rooms ready for me to show up.  I am beyond grateful to all HP's angel who have been there for me.  I have also sat in the rooms which held up to 50 Noners and which extended meeting times for another half hour so every one got a chance.  We've duped the room keys for our home group of 20 years here in Hilo, the Wednesday Night "turning point" AFG and our regulars number 12+ with newcomers arriving weekly.  We get out of our minds with glee because of the miracles that happen always and that is what keeps us coming back.   I have founded and co-founded meetings...some are still going and some (which I loved alot...Friday night Men's Stag AFG...open to women and no we won't change our language) which have not.

Go to the news paper and see what they offer about free public notice ads that you can use and also see what WSO has in the order of Radio Public Service announcements on CDs...they have Al-Anon and Alateen, then go hit up the radio stations for free air time...Most stations are mandated to do PSAs in their licensing.

You sound like you have the moxie...Great!! and don't do it alone if at all possible.   (((((hugs))))) 

Should never forget to suggest hitting up the MD's and Hospitals and psyches and such with info...meeting list and forums....

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 11th of March 2014 06:55:08 PM

My home group almost disbanded last summer.

There was a string of weeks when there was only 3 people.....the most we ever had in the 4 years I've been there was about 7........Now, we regularly get 12-14 and have to split into 2 groups!

There are dips. It would be unfortunate if the group closed. Who is the GR? Why are they not coming? Maybe they need to speak to the district rep.

 

 

While you do what you do...let God do what God does...and keep an open mind...that one always works for me. Good going.   (((hugs)))

Thank you for the words of support.  I think I've mostly let this one woman in the group get under my skin.  I view it as rude for her to not let someone in the group know she won't be there.  When there's only 4 of us, that just seems like common courtesy.  Maybe she should give the key to someone else.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the summer as (in the past) that was when our numbers went down but they've never come back again even after school had started back.  There will likely come a time when a decision will have to be made but at least if the group does dissolve, it won't be because I did not attend on a regular basis.

Misty... I Also Come from a Small Town and we have (3) Al-anon Meetings Local... One Group is Lucky to see 4-8 and the Other two bring anywhere from 5-15, but it does get hard when you show up and your the only one! But i Do Try to Remember How I Felt the 1st time I Walked into the Room and seen all these peeps willing to be there for me, even when I wasn't ready!

I Guess if advise was an Option, Mine would be "Work your Outreach" Something that Really has HELPED Grow our Groups is Outreach, we took a stack of "Where & Whens" and "Al-Anon's Years Booklets" to Our Local Health Dept. They were Eager to Help those with this Disease, and Handed out & Gave Numbers out of our Group! That is how 90% of our Peeps Heard there even was such a Place as Al-Anon...

And Like Jerry Stated, See if you can Announce in the Paper, or radio on "Free" spots... alot of times its not that there are not peeps that NEED the Meetings, its More they don't know they are Available! I Feel the More Info You Allow out in the Public, the More Peeps will show! I Even Take a Stack of "Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism" to My Very Own Doc's Office & Write FREE on them with a List of the Meetings Stapled to the inside Cover...

Also... ALL Of Our Groups work Hand in Hand with our Local AA Meetings which Def. Helps! All 3 Nights..AA Has a Meetings at the Same time we do & In the Same Building usually Just Differant Rooms... So Alcoholics have their Meetings, and Al-Anoners' have theirs, they can ride together, leave together & Both get the Meeting they need! Is AA at your Meeting place as well? You Could Even Talk to Members of AA and Maybe if they are not, arrange to Change Your Location or Time... All Just Thoughts tho...

Sadly this is still a Disease of Denial, Many don't want others to know what they go thru, and I can so Relate to that.. But also, Many are like Me and was Ignorant to the fact that Al-Anon was Even Availible.. Or what it Even Was!

I Will Pray for you Meetings, because I know just How Important Mine are to Me, It may take getting your hands dirty for a bit, and putting out more energy but Hopefully you can find a place of Comfort, and I'll Pray at some point, a Full Table of Peeps, that can Share & Embrace what a Wonderful "Life Saving" Program this really is...


Please Take what you Like & Leave the Rest, just sharing what has helped us from closing many times over ;) GOOD LUCK

KEEP COMING BACK....
Friends in Recovery...

Jozie

As an update to my original post - we had our dinner meeting a week ago Sun. & had some from the day group come.  It wasn't a huge turnout but even a former member showed up for the meal.  The frequently absent member from our group was there but she was not there last night.  My sponsor & I chatted a bit about needing to talk about what to do this summer.  Even though I do have a tendency to take things personally, I feel like this woman's on/off again interest in the group needs to be addressed in some way.  What it boils down to is this; my sponsor will be gone for most of the summer.  It will be just me & 1 other woman in the group during the majority of the summer.  Quite honestly, I don't see it as feasible or reasonable to try to have a meeting with just 2 people.  We've done it before but not on a continuing basis.  I don't trust that the absent member will start being regular this summer (in fact, I think her attendance will be less instead of more but that's going on previous summer experiences in the group).  I think, at the very least, our group needs to be put "on ice" or until my sponsor is back & able to come to the meetings again.  I am hoping my sponsor will communicate with the absent member because I don't think it would be wise to put me in charge of contacting her.  If she's not at the meetings, then she cannot be in on any decision making as far as the meetings go as I see it.  Either you want to be a part of it or you don't.  When we cannot even maintain 3 people on a regular basis, I think it's time to re-evaluate the interest & lack of commitment to it.  I know there are many other things that I could be doing on a Sun. night.  I have been a big supporter of the group & value what is offered but there comes a point when I think you need to face the reality of the situation.  We don't have enough regular members to warrant even renting the room this summer.  I hate to see it close but I think that might be what's best at least for the summer.  Let me know any other thoughts you might have but I'm worn out with showing up never knowing if anyone will be there.

-- Edited by Mitsy on Monday 24th of March 2014 12:49:25 PM

I'd do the same with the member as I do with the A. I'd watch the action and not believe the words. If I felt very committed to the meeting, I'd ask for the key and I'd be there for others if someone else (not the gal I can't depend on) would partner with me. I'd also get the word out again as summer is coming to a close and people won't be out and about as much. I'd agree to be the key keeper for a specific amount of time (for me it would be 3 months) and I'd see if there were any changes and anyone willing to take my place. Of course, if there needed to be a group conscience meeting, I'd do that first. It's too frustrating to me to be fully invested in something when I can't count on someone who isn't committed to the group. I change what I can. Sometimes, that does mean closing something down.

Dear Mitzie, I am sorry to hear that your meeting did ot grow this summer and that members that were relied on did not show.
I have had meetings such as this and I had to remember that we each are attending for our own benefits and that attendance is not compulsory. Keeping the focus on myself and knowing how much I needed the meeting I attended a small meeting for over a year because it helped me. We just need one of the person and we are still able to conduct a successful Al-Anon meeting.. We read the opening and the closing, we then read a page or two from the ODAT and the Courage to Change and then we each shared on the topic. We then opened the room up for any shares that we might want to do on our own and then when we finished we closed the meeting. Usually it ran for about 45 minutes and that was enough time to get my Al-Anon fix. The meeting eventually grew to about 15 members and is still viable today. If the meeting is serving you I urge you to continue

This is not just to you Mitsy, but y'all.

I had to disband our local group last year. One neighbouring group also went under... one I used to go to.

A few months ago i went to a great meeting in New York. Also to meetings in Rapid City SD... where Alanon I found to be burgeoning... I went to three meetings to try and found out why they were successful.

MIP Alanon helped me winkle out bad attitudes i had to my Alanon walk... but it has no magic formula...

at home here in NZ I know i did my own inventory, I did my best...

what else can I ask?

It's a difficult spot to be. This is just my experience so please take what you like and leave the rest.

We've experienced this over the last year too. It came down to myself and my sponsor showing up and no one else. We admitted we were tired of hearing only one another's es&h each week and would have like some other perspective on topics. Some weeks one or the other of us showed up when the other couldn't.  There were a week or two when neither of us could come due to other obligations. Our thinking has always been, what if a newcomer is coming to their first meeting and no one is there to welcome them. We came to terms that we both needed to accept without guilt that we couldn't always be there. We both put the word out in other groups we attend and I called an Alanon district rep who I knew and asked if she could just announce at her next district meeting that attendance was dwindling at mine and my sponsor's meeting and if a person was in need of a meeting on that night to consider us. 

Ultimately, at least from my these lulls in attendance have always happened in our small meeting. We were always the same few people and to be honest... I felt it was just a little too comfy and social.  It seemed only when a newcomer came did our recovery hats get put on and we really went to work with not have a really loose meeting format like we did when newcomers didn't show up. Suddenly, as my sponsor and I showed up each week either together or on our own as the sole person at the meeting, first meeting newcomers began coming each week. They would come to one meeting and then not come back. As just two people with some time, this also felt like a lot for us as we were in a constant state of doing step one meetings, had to try not to take it personally if they didn't come back and needed to be mindful not to be so hyperfocused on the crisis of the newcomer that we put our own need for a meeting and sharing to the side. I will always need meetings as recovering person to keep my serenity and build on my recovery.  

When there were weeks when the two of us sat there on our own, I still wanted to keep the meeting. I told my sponsor, I guessed hp would send others and those others would stay with the meeting place if hp saw fit for that to happen and that I was choosing to just accept that. Little by little the tide turned and now we have a our small meeting back and it's about half and half Alanoners and doublewinners.  It's a different meeting than it had been because we have the perspective of doublewinners. How do I know we didn't have doublewinner in the our original small group?  Well... we knew a lot about one another from being the same people at the same meeting for years.  How do I know the new people are doublewinners?  Because they say, "hi .... their name, alcoholic."   I feel more humility in the room and our group has money in the basket now for our rent. We're learning from one another and growing.

I want to share this so those of you who have decided you hate all alcoholics even if they're recovering, please just take what you like if anything and leave the rest. It's been my experience that alcoholics who come into Alanon really want to work a program of emotional sobriety along with their AA sobiety. It has to be difficult to listen to newcomers to Alanon tell the war stories of living with someone active but these people who are recovering in AA keep coming back to work on their behaviors just as we do. I learn a lot about surrendering my will from hearing them and their gratitude shows itself in practicing the 7th tradition consistently.

I hope your meeting doesn't end up disbanding. We sure can use as many as we can keep and as many new ones as we can open.  Thanks for sharing. ((hugs))  TT

Thank you for the last 2 posts as well. It helps to know that there are others who have been in some similar situations with the Al-Anon meetings. I would hate to see our group disband too but if we don't get some new members, I honestly do not see it continuing down the road. I "hope" that isn't the case but I think I have to be realistic about it as well. My sponsor does know how I feel & the other faithful member feels about this. What it amounts to is no one wants to call out the absent member who can only be relied on to attend when it's time to pay the rent. I miss members who have dropped out for whatever reason & also feel bad each time there is a newcomer & then they don't come back. Sometimes I think they don't come back because we are such a small group but maybe that isn't the reason at all.

When I was dating my alcoholic, I only hated his behavior. I knew deep down that he was a good person; just terribly messed up. He never attended any AA meetings even though I tried to get him to go. If he had gone & made a real attempt at sobriety, I would have supported him. He lived in denial most of the time &, to my knowledge, still drinks heavily. His life is still very messed up. I have a lot of admiration for the members of AA. In fact, I think there are more members in our local AA group than Al-Anon groups combined in our area.

I realize everyone is at different places in their lives & people's needs for Al-Anon differ from member to member. The level of commitment to the group is what each person has to decide on. If only 2 or (3--part of the year) attend on a regular basis, our discussions oftentimes become redundant since we've heard so many of the same stories over & over again. If we have at least 3 people in a meeting, we go through the regular readings, serenity prayer, etc. The only time we "slack" on that is when it's a two-person meeting which proves to be hard since quite honestly neither of us want to read all of the regular material with just 2 of us there. The last meeting I attended was a gripe session with just me & faithful member. However, I think we did feel better in hashing out what some of the problems are within the group. If the absent member wasn't absent so much, that gripe session would not have happened. Hey, if you aren't there, you aren't going to know what was talked about. I'm going to take a "wait & see" attitude about it but I strongly believe that next summer won't be any different. If we are still at only 4 in the group with one leaving for most of the summer, I will suggest putting the meetings on-ice until the fall. Absent woman didn't want to quit having them this summer but yet she is hardly there on a regular basis. It may come down to me saying that I have decided to do "other things" this summer & not be in attendance again until the fall. Absent woman is a strong personality & we have kind of gone along with what she wanted but I think that has grown old as well. I think, in a way, we have enabled her to have the upper-hand in the group because we are too afraid to really tell her how we feel. Me opting out of it next summer might be the only answer for me but I hope there is a different outcome.

Thanks Jerry. We have put our literature at the local hospital & several clinics. Glad you were able to talk to a real person w/the Al-Anon hotline. I think a lot of the issue is the size of our town & people just being reluctant to give it a try. Thanks again for sharing.

Oh there is resentment & not only from me but from the other woman who is always there. Sometimes it's necessary to make decisions based on how things are & not how we want them to be (this is what we have learned about denial). The reality is that I don't expect any different behavior from the absent woman now or next summer. I think she will continue to be sporadic in attendance while still pretending that we might get any new members, that someone needs to be there every week in case that happens, & it isn't going to be her sitting there on a regular basis waiting for someone to walk in. I think, at some point, we will have to face the truth; that our group isn't sustainable with only 4 members part of the year & 1 missing 2-3 meetings a month. I think someone can keep practicing the program but when the meetings (or lack of a meeting) stresses you out more, then it's time to re-think what you really want. I know that I don't want to continue to deal with this problem next summer.

grateful, I sent you a private message but apparently it did not go through. I agree w/what you are saying about actions speaking for themselves. That's the whole point with me in that I don't trust what people say when their track record is not following through with things. And, that goes for things other than Al-Anon. If friends in my life are never reliable & do a lot of "talking" without action behind their words, I come to realize that I don't have time for people like that. Naturally, I feel this same kind of lack of trust when it comes to people in the meetings. I've learned which ones are reliable and will do what they say they will do & which ones won't. Yes, I think sometimes things run their course but absent woman doesn't seem to recognize this nor does she seem to realize that her lack of attendance is helping our group to a slow death. I was not at the last meeting (due to work obligations which they knew about). I got an email from faithful member who said that attendance was talked about in which absent member replied that she didn't think there was a problem. Duh. Of course, she doesn't seem to care that it's just 2 of us in the summer when she's gone. I also agree w/you about the resentment I feel towards myself for continuing to feel "stuck" in this push-tug scenario we seem to have within the group. My sponsor dislikes confrontation & I'm sure he put it so nicely about attendance that absent woman still didn't think this pertained to her. But when someone doesn't seem to care enough to be there on a semi-regular basis, then I question why they come at all.