You know, it sure is safe to have someone else to focus on. I wondered for years why I stayed with my A...and after being apart and now divorced...I think I stayed in it for my self-esteem. I was NEVER as 'xxxx' up as HE was. As long as I focussed on him, I was a saint. Nothing wrong with ME.
Denial isn't just for As. When people would suggest to me that I should leave, I would always defend him, minimize, and DENY what I was getting from this sick relationship...
What might you be denying?
Thank you for your honest self searching post. I too used denial as one of my tools to survive in the world. Growing up with alcoholism I learned to deny reality, and pretend all was normal from a very early age.
Alanon was the first place that I saw this in me and accepted that it was a destructive communication tool that hurt me.
Mostly I denied how unhappy I was in my marriage and pretended to support his fantasy dreams. I did that with everyone I did not know how to be honest and supportive without surrendering myself and invalidating my needs
Alanon gave me the tools and i am grateful
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
oh yes, i was like a saint, taking care of everything, in control while he was drunk. i was a martyr and while i was watching him i never thought to look at me and my defects. thank goodness i can now be honest and look within and keep my hands off what doesnt belong to me. thanks for sharing.x
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
AWESOME acronym...thanks ILD.