OK....the back story, my AH has been a drinker for 50 years, at a rate of 2 liters every 3 days. He drinks from 9-12PM. He says it is pain management for his back. He is 70, and over the last year has lost the muscle tone in his legs and can hardly stand, will not try to walk and stays in bed 24/7. In looking at the internet this would be chronic alchoholic myopathy. He says he has no problem, will NOT stop drinking, and he is fine.
He fell 3 days ago, and I could not get him up (he's 200 lbs) and the last time due to muscle weakness it took 4 hours to get him up. This I told him I was phoning 911 for help, which he said to phone them. (a condensed version for now) They took him to the ER, and he wanted to leave (acted disruptive). They told me he had a blood alchohol level of 385, and the hospital Baker Acted him, and I was restricted from visiting. Today the 72 hrs. are up, what do I do?
I will go to the hospital to see him....and don't know what to expect. I expect some hostility because I had told him I was going to Baker Act him when he acted suicidal and irational, prior to this, but this time the hospital did it. I have hid all the guns in the house, easy access to knives, and any pharmaceutical he can try to OD on. For over a year I have been scared to sleep sound for fear of him getting up and falling, or possible harm to me.
I don't know what to expect when I go to the hospital because there has been no communication. He's been hospitalized about 6 times in the last 2 years from falls, or other health issues, and EACH time I brought up the issues of drinking and not one Dr. would listen until this last time and after 6 hrs. from his last drink the blood level was 385. In this state he functions and acts totally sober....and he feels he does not have an alchoholic problem since he restricts the times of drinking from 9-12PM.....which is straight Vodka or Tequila.
He is on Medicare/Humana and a few months ago I let the casework know of his drinking is probably the root of not able to walk anymore. She recommended rehab which he refused.
I'll know more today when I go to the hospital to see what is going on. Sorry for rambling....I just needed to talk or and suggestions from someone who has been in a similar situation. I'm hoping the hospital can advise as to a course of treatment.
Glad you have hidden the guns in the house. I called the police and had them removed for safe keeping.
Good luck and remember You are not alone.
Hello Again Srtiel
I am glad you made the call and that the hospital will contact you. I know how painful and difficult this is. Your description of your reaction to this disease is exacttly what we in alanon have also found. We have lost ourselves in the madness of trying to cope wit the insanity of alcoholism!!.
The wonderful person that you both are has been hiddden under the disease. I am glad you are taking the first steps to recover.
Keep positing We understand as few others can.
Saying a prayer for you and your husband, hoping you will find some peace and serenity. Learning to take care of ourselves is our #1 priority. Keep coming back, you are in the right place.
Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
Sr. with your being afraid of him possibly harming you, I have these thoughts.
Since arguing and any negative thing you say to him does no good, actually can make it worse, it may be time to stop saying anything to him at all or only say what you have to.
I know how bitter and angry the disease can make us. I learned when I faced his disease is his own business, and had zero to do with it, I felt better. If he falls, I would suggest handing him the phone to call for help. You could even put in the 911 and all he has to do is push send.
make it his decision. Sounds like he needs a walker or wheel chair. Do you have senior services there?
My thought too is, is it time for him to go to a nursing home? There is no reason you have to sacrifice your life by living with bodily harm and being berated. There are nursing homes that will take his medicare for payment. Does caseworker know of his going into the hospital and the seriouness of his illness? Maybe now with the doc and other staffs written evaluations she or he will take this more serious?
He could possibly be moved to a nursing home from the hospital. Does not hurt to ask. He sure is not safe at home and neither are you!
If you can get to meetings it would help you get away and be around others who will understand. We all need to get it out. I am soooo glad you have shared with us. We really do care.
My hope for you is to take care of you. He has made the decision the way his life is going to be, that does not mean you have to follow it. Al Anon can help you to stay in the home too with him in it and be ok possibly if it goes that way.
Please keep us updated. We can pm each other privately also.
Thanks for the additional information. Your experience mirrors mine in so many ways. We are powerless over this disease and of the medical treatment for alcoholic. As the Dr and case workers explained: It is up to him to decide. !!!
That is why it is so important to begin to take care of yourself. Alanon Face to Face meetings and this Board is the beginning You are not alone and answers will come from within
Keep coming back and sharing.
I'm wondering, if he's so incapable, how is he getting a hold of the alcohol?
The sad fact is that even if all the medical authorities were very concerned with his alcoholism, they couldn't make him address it any more than you can. It's unfortunate that they're so oblivious, because it makes it feel like you're the only one who knows the truth. My guess is that they've seen a lot of alcoholics and they know how useless it is to try to convince an alcoholic who doesn't want to stop.
Hugs. Hope you'll keep coming back.
I would say having worked in the medical field that anyone who works there is well aware of alcoholism. Just go to any emergency room on a weekend and see all the people who have Od'd.
The issue is that no one can make them stop. Alcohol is a legal substance. Certainly there are options of getting help and some of them are outlined in books like Getting them Sober (and there are web sites associated with the book).
I know all of us have been in the place of being sick with worry around an alcoholic/addict. I've certainly been there. I'm aware how ill it made me. I am also aware that I came here, got help and was willing to look at me.
I have to take the entire focus off "him" and put it all on me. Whatever the ex A did, be it drive drunk, have loud parties, bring his friends over all the time, spend all his money, I had to keep the focus on me and what I wanted to do.
The ex A who I was with for 7 years never wanted recovery. His disease progressed that he used drugs day and night and spent all his money on them. With al anon's help I got out of the way of constant arguing, pleading, begging and being worried sick about him. I felt absolutely totally responsible for the addict. I felt like he would die without me.
Eventually I did indeed leave the ex A. He certainly didn't die, starve or disappear. On the last photo I saw of him on his mother's facebook he looks pretty well fed. I felt the ex A could not exist apart from me. I was wrong. He certainly didn't sober up, pay his bills, become the person I glimpsed but he did live on.