Was married to an alcholic who went to rehab a year ago is drinking again. We have 2 young children and are in the middle of a custody battle. He continues to drink when the children are there but states that he hasn't gotten drunk since rehab. Even while this is going on he and his girlfriend continue to drink in the children's presence. I thought alcoholics couldn't drink and why not just stop or drink non alcholic beer? So confused by the not drunk part and why he can't stop. It has to be that he enjoys the effect of it even if he states he isn't getting drunk and I am not even sure that is true. Our marriage behind closed doors wasn't good and eventually drove me to leave. In the process he continued to make me feel like I was crazy and even said that noone would believe me because he wears a halo. He tried and continues to hurt me and threatened me on several occasions that he would take the kids away from me because I am crazy. I need some insight and guidance outside my family and friends that might have been involved or are currently involved in a similar situation.
To be clear, the answer is that they often do drink after rehab, but that is not sobriety. In other words, his alcoholism has relapsed. Saying he doesn't get drunk is just a way of pretending it's not a serious relapse. I don't know if he really isn't getting drunk now or if he's lying, but for an alcoholic, drinking just a little leads to getting drunk, and it will happen unless he goes into recovery again. His claim that he's okay because he's not getting drunk is just a bad excuse. As I'm sure you know by now, lying and denial are part of the whole syndrome. So is saying that the other person is crazy as a way to try to control the situation.
I would consult a lawyer who's experienced with addiction issues about how to protect your children.
I hope you can get to some face-to-face Al-Anon meetings. They are wonderful support. Also read a lot of posts here, think about getting the book 'Getting Them Sober,' and learn all you can. No one should have to go through this without support.
oh geez, I am sad you are in this situation! First you are NOT crazy. I am telling you almost everyone who is involved with an A is told they are crazy.
Probably called that because the A cannot understand the sane words you say so YOU must be crazy.
I invite you to research alcoholism. Their brains are damaged by alcohol. They honestly believe their lies.
At the bottom of my share here are contacts to find a meeting in your area. I strongly invite you to go. There is so much to learn, you will be shocked!I can easily promise you with Al Anon you will feel better.
We share a lot about kids on here. I am a real advocate for children of all ages. If it were me, I would not allow kids to go where I knew the caretakers were drunk, even though he is their father, that is abuse and very dangerous.
That is up to you to decide and maybe check with a domestic violence group to get a direction to go for your kids. Dept of human services I do not trust.They have to go by such strict guidelines. There are better resources.
This sounds like a very serious situation. I hope you cont. to come here. There are so many here who went thru or are going thru the same thing.
A huge welcome!, love,debilyn
Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves." http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Plenty of A's relaspe and go back to drinking.
I'd take his claim about not getting drunk with a grain of salt.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
My ex AH not only drank but smoked alot of pot. He told me that "pot wasn't his problem.." but he went to work drunk and subsequently got tested for pot too. He lost a 30 year career when he tested positive for pot...so how's that "pot's not my problem " workin' for ya? Not only are addicts lying to the people who love them they lie to themselves.
Thank you for all the input.. I have been trying to understand his behavior for a long time now but it is impossible. Just 3 days ago he asked my daughter who under 10 years old if his girlfriends overnight visits upset her because he is planning on spending the rest of his life with her. He and I were still entertaining the idea of getting back together last summer. After he told me that he had started drinking again well he chose alcohol and another woman who hasnt yet experienced his rage and emotional abuse. At least I dont think she has.
Aloha Sara...the simplest suggestion for now is the one to get to face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area as soon as you can. That is what we do...those of us who have been family, friend, spouse and associates of alcoholic and addicts. We go more insane than the alcoholic does because we don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality...thus we go thru it wide awake. Do we go crazy...amen! The input about alcoholics lying to themselves and living in denial is so right on and they are defensive of their drinking and using so the problem had to me mine and me cause my alcoholic/addict could never admit out loud for real to anyone else that she really had a problem with something she was totally hooked into.
I had to learn to see my wife as two separate people...my wife and my alcoholic. When she drank she was completely someone else than when she didn't and I had to learn who I was in a relationship with much more the one who was in the room with me.
We learn all kinds of great tools in the program which allows us to recover from the affect from living with the alcoholic/addict and it saves lives. Go find the number in the white pages of your local telephone book if you haven't already and learn where and when we get together in your area then run to the first meeting you can get to. Keep coming back here too.