here we go again . . . introduction . . . - Al-Anon Family Group

ohno · Senior Member

here we go again . . . introduction . . .

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Like your nick , as for your grandson can usee that he gets an Alateen daily reader ? that will help him to understand what is going on around him . He may find comfort as we do in learning that he is not alone . This literature is written by teens for teens , all thier fears and solutions to thier problems are in their daily reader A Day At a Time . small red book .
Its not up to us to tell others * dad* about her problems , eventuall yshe will give herself away they always do . as long as we stay out of the road and let things unfold the way thier supposed to . let grandson know that u are available for him anytime , reasure him that this is not his fault .
There is no doubt in my mind that this is a disease , and as it progresses they loose the power of choice as it is now running thier lives . When the alcoholic hits his ./ her bottom choices become clearer to them some choose sobreity and some continue to drink . Personal family problems are best discussed one on one with a Sponsor , not really a great topic in meetings .
You could hand grandson a daily reader and simply say i think your mom has a drinking problem this may help you to understand . dont be upset if he dosent take the book , he is simply not ready to talk yet and does he know that you attend Al-Anon meetings for yourself >> am confused about should I let his dad know ? are they separated - if so and grandson is in danger I would definetly let dad know . just my opinion Louise

ohno · Senior Member

thanks for your response. not sure why no one else has responded.

yes, she is separated from the father.

i am confused by the notation that "family problems" are not spoken of in meetings, since it is a "family disease" and the disease causes difficult family problems that need to be navigated through . . .

recovery is "minding your own business," so it is hard to ascertain at what level and when/where to get involved.

i have spoken to my grandson and he says that it doesn't bother him and i have given him resources (online, etc.)

in the family there are people who know and who don't know. none of us has the whole picture. i know it would be too gruesome for me to handle. i can barely stand knowing what i do know. it sickens me to the core. those are my feelings, and they are legitimate.

i am trying to manage my fear and worry and to turn things over higher powers . . .

my daughter seems to be mad at the family now for excluding her from something, but the reason she was excluded is because she caused a drunken scene with one of the family members involved and has not made amends . . .i can understand that she would have hurt feelings, but nothing is ever her fault . . . she never apologizes or seems to understand that other people are hurt by her actions. i know this is just the way it is . . . it is irrational, there is no understanding.

but what a mess for the family to have to deal with.

the alcoholic acts out and everyone else just reacts.

there is no way to shield yourself from the hurt that is inevitable . . . i mean if you care about someone you care about what they do for good or bad and the effects on the family. the alcoholic has so much power. everyone else is just living in reaction to them, regarding the family system, if there are family interactions. so selfish and destructive.

you can leave a husband (though not easy for those with kids), but you can't leave a daughter or sister. well you can but then you have a fractured family and not all family members are in recovery.

so sad!

-- Edited by ohno on Wednesday 28th of October 2009 02:57:27 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow and of course Aloha Ohno...Welcome to the next door in the journey. The
program is right when it suggest that we won't get it overnight and that recovery
is progress not perfection.   I am glad you are here.   I also was an analytical and
had to figure everything out and have "the" answers before I could go on until
I crumbled in a heap at a loss as to why my life had amounted to nothing at all.
There was always another problem behind the other problem and another answer
I thought I was responsible for...until I got into Al-Anon. It took me years and I
even went to college to get more answers. When I graduated I graduated with
the awareness that everything I had learned in the program was what I needed
to know and what I had found out satisfied my curiosity about alcohol and other
substance abuses but not how to let go and live and let live. I became a counselor
and people including my family and wife still drank and used just as often and much.
What I needed to know about living my own life I learned in the program.

Let (everybody) go and let God.   Allow the alcoholic(s) the dignity of their own
choices make my life something I would be proud of.   Fear is the absence of Faith
and there was no better example truthfully than my own life.   Love is the absence
of Fear. I wasn't loving anyone. I was affraid of who they were (I judged) what
they did, how they did it and their outcomes and I was afraid that my attempts to
control were really not workable after all those years. I came to realize that my
brain was the most valuable thing in my body, worth millions because...it was still
in the box and never really used for its rightful purpose.

Learn Humility (to be teachable) was rocket science to me and it started by learning
how to say "I don't know and don't have an opinion" when I felt I had the answer
to everything. "I could be wrong" what I said to myself when I reviewed all the
attempts to fix other people, places and things that forever turned out worse. "No"
(a complete sentence) when I had the urge or the offer to take control of other
peoples outcomes or participate in processes from the past that didn't work for me
or were healthy to my mind, body, spirit and emotions.

The sixth sense you have is a powerful sense in enablers. For me its my spider
sense. I know because I am familiar with what is going on. I have been in it soooo
long, all my life with the exception of my journey in Al-Anon. Its not a God sense
because I have found out not even God works like I work. God allows others the
dignity of their choices and is patient and unconditionally loving. What I do isn't
even near what my HP does. I don't create, I fix and reconstruct even those things
I don't know are not broken; without asking; and while taking my attention off of
my own life or business.    Because of this self centeredness and power and control
character I need to be very cautious of how and why I do things always asking HP
for feedback and guidance, patience, love and restraint. Sometimes when I think
I am being courageous and forthright, fearless and just, I'm just practicing what it
was that brought me into Al-Anon...loud and obnoxious, exercising power and
control with constant manipulation and force with fear and threats of abandonment.

I love the principal of anonymity of our program and the respect it offers myself
and others. For me there are no secrets after I've listened to another members
story and found myself nodding my head to it. And often times holding on to
the secret brings relief from dwelling on the problem.   I can let go and let God
and maybe let the solution come from where else or someone else rather than
from me.   I am not alone and I am not the only instrument of HP.

The concerns you have are often spoken about here and they are a source of
help, healing and an opportunity to reach out with our own ESH.

I hope you keep coming back.   (((((hugs))))) smile

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

my younger sister's alcoholism was the family secret. I was so relieved when my cousin talked to me about it. Finally someone to speak.

I know that al anon can help. I'm beyond seeing alcoholism as stupid. I think its like wishing a blind man could see. Some people do recover. Many don't. My actions will not have an effect on it they have to want it. I can't make them want it.

Maresie.

ohno · Senior Member

thank you for your responses. i see much wisdom and insight in both responses.

on my intuition: it may have been honed by the alanon . . . but it is useful for other things . . . i think everything is derived from nature . . . anyway, i have it and my body reacts. i cannot think my body from reacting. i pick up on subtle energies and psychic knowing. i have dreams. i don't ask for this information and i don't go looking for it. it just shows up.

i wish all of the cliches worked so easily for me (like the fear is the opposite of faith saying). i believe it is probably true . . . and i work on my "faith" (translated to spirituality). that is what keeps me halfway sane and functioning at all.

everyone is different, so yes, some may be "beyond" thinking alcoholism is stupid. that is awesome and i am glad people have found serenity. i am just talking about how it is for me.

i am not perfect. i learned a lot in alanon.

but i will not be 100% defined by another person's problems, and i happen to think that is healthy. so there is an alcoholic wreaking havoc. i didn't cause that and i can't cure it, as they say. i actually believe that cliche!

my greatest desire is to live in harmony with nature. i don't need any drama.

i am not trying to fix the alcoholic, but i am stumped on how to have an intact family and deal with some of the practical issues, like drinking and driving, alcohol at family gatherings, how to
manuver through fractured family relationships (this is the most disturbing problem at the moment, besides the fact that she is progressively getting worse).

the focus stays on her because she caused the scenes and arguments and people are understandably angry with her. the whole family has to limp along because of her. if she got into recovery, it would be a relief - it's not like the rest of us are sick and need the alcoholic - i don't buy into that. we are affected by her. we all have our own issues and problems but nothing that rips the family apart like alcoholic acting out. i don't identify with being a sick, sick person because someone in my family chooses to drink too much (and again, it is a choice, because some days she does not choose to drink too much and some day maybe she will get sober and quit drinking - or not - all choices of hers). i know there is nothing i can do to impact that. and that is just the way it is. but i am not happy about the circumstances. i am trying to find answers to the practical problems, let go as much as possible, deal with my own issues, build my spirituality, and just cope - coping is difficult for me because i want peace and family harmony so much (i know, that is one of my weaknesses) - i also know just because i want it doesn't mean i can have it.

anyway, just trying to find some answers that will help.

thanks again.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Ohno...I love analytical stuff. It is what I did endlessly and it was also the
word I found inviting in our reading at this evenings meeting that I spoke to.

I am not trying to fix the alcoholic, but i am stumped on how to have an intact family and deal with some of the practical issues, like drinking and driving, alcohol at family gatherings, how to manuver through fractured family relationships (this is the most disturbing problem at the moment, besides the fact that she is progressively getting worse).

Sorry for highlighting what you wrote. I'm just going to focus on this alone. The
tool that I used when I was in your shoes (similarities) on this was acceptance.
The alcoholic could only fix herself. The family had to fix its self.   Al-Anon Family
Groups came about and I am grateful, so that I could fix myself while the alcoholic
was doing all "that stuff".    I was even sitting dispatch for the Highway Patrol
one night when she was stopped for DUI. I was in program and what was coming
around was what was going around.   I learned and used acceptance and told
the officer that "the subject was known to me" so that he could have support in
what he was doing. You can have an intact family when you along with the
family detach from the alcoholism.   If they are not into it in the end you will only
have you to take care of and arrive at serenity no matter if the alcoholic is drinking
or not...you'll recognize those words from the meetings.   Acceptance for me is
also unconditional love and faith is acceptance of the fact of it all without reservation.
Try letting go of the differences you are looking for and focus on the similarities in
the stories of those around you in the rooms of Al-Anon.   Similarities bring us to
unity while we keep our uniqunesses.

One of my uniqunesses is being a dream reader. At times it is very useful,
enlightening and helpful and most of the time I use it for my own understanding.
It has helped me most.

So anyway shortly..if what you are doing isn't working try "...the courage to
change the things that I can."   One of those things is always me.

Keep coming back.   (((((hugs))))) and in support.   smile

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi ohno,

As far as drinking and driving, the coarse of action is a individual choice. Some people feel they should inform the police, others feel they shouldn't attempt to control the situation. There is no right or wrong answers, but we do have choices.

As far as alcohol at family gatherings..if any member of my family was drunk and causing problems, it would simply be unnacceptable and they would be escorted home, call a cab etc. They'd be out. If it's my home, I can make a no alcohol rule. I can also make the likely offender aware ahead of time what will happen if they choose to make a scene. For every choice there is a consequence. Hence, when they make that choice they are also accepting the consequence.

If the gathering is elsewhere, I can remove myself from the situation if need be and walk away from the drama. How other people deal with it is their issue.

There need not be family secrets. Keeping secrets can be considered enabling the alcoholic. If telling her Dad hurts him, then that's altogether different. If it would make no difference to the alcoholic and only hurts him I don't see the reason for telling unless he is unknowingly enabling her behavior in some way.

It would be optimum to have all members of the family on the same page as to their response to the alcoholic, like a united front, but that's not always possible. If there are members of the family open to attending meetings, reading literature or even agreeing on a plan of action it could ease some of the tension. Even agreeing on reenforcement of something as simple as "not attending the fight" could help immensley.

If the consequences of your daughter's actions are that she is not invited, she has created this result. If she feels hurt because of it, then I would allow her to own that hurt and sit with it. No one ever hits bottom when people run to stick a pillow under their butt. To hit bottom she has to run out of options. There is no reason for everyone to let her rule or make them walk on egg shells. She only has all the power because people are willingly giving it up to her.

We can't control the alcoholic but we certainly have choices that we can make to protect ourselves. You're right, you can't divorce your daughter but Alanon has many tools available for you (and family) to use that help protect your well being and promote peace.

Christy

ohno · Senior Member

jerry and christy: thank you for taking the time to respond to my inqueries. it really helps me to feel heard and supported. i think of myself as a person of conscience, so i try to "do the right thing" when i know what it is . . . but some of these situations are just so far out of my league and i don't know what is my responsibility and what is not. for instance, i have a way of thinking that says that most people do not even notice a lot of what is going on, so if i do notice, then i have a duty to try to do something about it . . . otherwise, why wouldn't i be oblivious like everyone else?

it's the elephant in the room . . . i usually see it, many other people do not (i know because i observe them and have asked them), so when i see it i think it is up to me to "do" something about it.

and on the drinking and driving, the media says we must do something . . . and i am never prepared for even beginning to figure out how to do anything. it always seems so complicated to me. and the anger and rage from the alcoholic and from others who think nothing is a big deal is overwhelming to me . . .

acceptance is really difficult for me and i work hard at it and would like more information HOW people accept what is unacceptable (in other words, if you have an aversion to accepting it or a natural reaction to not accept it). i get confused because the whole world sometimes seems so complacent, accepting things that SHOULD be dealt with (for instance, just turning away when a child is being abused or some other atrocity is happening). i see this as cowardly and it extends to my wanting to try to fix other things that are not my business . . . it is difficult to know what is my business and what is not my business . . .what i have a moral duty to do and what is ok not to interfere with . . .

but tips on working on accepting in general are most appreciated.

thank you

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know if you have the book Getting them Sober. I think that is a great great resource for many of the issues you are talking about.

Certainly I say things to alcoholics. I have a roommate who is an alcoholic she walks her dog without a lease. The dog was in the middle of the road one day when I was outside and I certainly said something! Needless to say she could not deny it. I don't doubt she will continue to walk her dog without a leash but she knows I don't support it. There are times to say something and times not to. I believe strongly that we all know at what point to say something and act and when to detach and then detach some more. I certainly don't feel complacent about the alcoholics I live around (they are everywhere). What I do feel is that I have really limited resources. I have to pick and choose which issue I say something on. There are some people these days I cross the road when I see them. There are others who I do give my attention. How and when I give my attention is a daily issue, I don't think there is a blanket prescription for what to do. I do know that Getting them Sober helped me tremendously with guilt and to understand my limits.

Maresie.

ljc · Member

((((((( ohno ))))))))

I sure wish I had some magic answers for you . I do feel sad for you tho, cuz it is apparent that you are hurting.
Tips on acceptance ... praying and never stop praying for your HP to help you be okay with whatever happens. And I know that sounds dumb, cuz how can you be okay with what your daughter is doing. She is drinking , driving, causing scenes, hurting ppl in the family and on and on.
She is sick, and until like has been mentioned she hits a bottom, it is most likely she wont change. Im not saying she wont ever change, but praying for her is probably the best form of acceptance I could suggest.

I am an alcoholic ( sober 5 yrs ) and Im also Alanon too. I started in Alanon when I was about a year sober, cuz all the A's ( including addicts ) in my family were really getting on my nerves.

My Mom who lives near me is 75 and addicted to prescription drugs and has been for at least 35 yrs and she is in denial. My Dad in another state is a heavy boozer and going down hill fast health wise . My oldest brother is a dry drunk/addict and miserable. My younger brother is in denial about his drunkeness. My daughter doesn't drink, but is on again off again smoking pot. ( I have 2 grandchildren from Her ) and my Son is a drunkie/junkie. Both my kids live in other states a considerable amount of mileage away from me, as do my Dad and 2 brothers.

All these ppl are my family and I love them all equally and so much. Their drinking and (or ) drugging became a problem for me and I didnt know how to deal with it. ( figured since I was sober myself that I should be able to figure it all out ) I was wrong ! Hence Alanon. And even tho in my remote area there aren't any meetings, I travel to some in other towns and I have a sponsor and the daily readings.

It kills me to see/know/hear what my family members are doing to themselves, but I cant let it get to me and ruin my life.

I have learned that acceptance and expectations are 2 of the biggest biggies in either program for me. I got to keep my expectations low and my gratitude high.

For instance .. my Mom has some pretty bad days . Sometimes they are so bad that I cant tell if she is coming down from a pill high or hungover, or what . ( and it doesnt really matter ), so I feel sorry for her . Now, I didnt make her take the pills, so feeling sorry for her is not the answer. I can have compassion for her cuz she is so sick, and I pray for her that she just stay safe. My God, I worry she will overdose. She has been known to mix a little booze with her drugs and that scares me even more.
Some days I see her and she is so high up there that Im really pissed at her and geez I dont know how to deal with it. I pray and ask God for guidance, cuz I could fly off the handle at her and I dont want to be mean to her. She most certainly doesnt deserve that .
So, when Im faced with these sort of circumstances and situations I get on the phone to my sponsor and ask for help.
My Mom also tries to control me and my life at times. I have learned to set boundaries so that Im not full of anger and resentments on a daily basis.

Oh and then theres the triangulation that I experience on average of once a month. lol, it gets crazy !
Dad calling from Florida to ask me why my Mom isnt talking to my brother in Missouri . Sister calling from Washington to find out why my Mom wont answer her phone, brother in Montana asking me via the puter, how is Mom ? I am getting better at telling them to stop involving me in what they want to know.

Thank God for Alanon. I stink at practicing the principles some days, but Ive got some basics down and I dont think Id have a head on my shoulders if I werent a part of the solution instead of the problem.

ohno ... I will pray for your daughter and you too.
Thanks for letting me share. I apologize it got longer than I had planned.

ohno · Senior Member

lgc: thank you for sharing. it really helps me to hear details about other people's struggles and triumphs . . . the platitudes don't work for me because i don't understand them the way some people seem to do (for instance letting go . . . HOW do people let go . . . what is their process. i need some hints - same with acceptance). i have read much of the literature, but i seem to need more detail to be able to apply specific things to my life.

sounds like you have a program that is working for you. so good to hear.

yes, praying is really good advice.

you seem to have much more natural compassion than i do. i can't tolerate the drama and i get sickened when i see someone abusing their body and spirit. i think god made you perfect and you have no respect for your body. i can't stand to think about how many people are abusing themselves. it's like if animals were doing that - it would just be unconscionable - almost perverse. that's how i see it. i have a major aversion to people abusing what i see as a sacred gift.

i had a bad day today. dealing with my toxic daughter (did ok but it wore me down), dealing with my acting out teenage grandchild, and dealing with my acting out elderly dry drunk mom.

all of these people have something in common: rudeness, selfishness, narcissim, a cruel streak. i know my co-dependency kicks in when i am around them - trying to get validation. i got to see how a co-dependent pattern was set up with my mom. i left her and she went in her house and started howling . . . a few minutes later i called her and told her to unlock the door because i had forgotten something and she said the door wasn't locked because she expected me to come back. as a young child she would do this to me to manipulate me and all of these years later she is still at it and i am still responding. i have a soft heart and can't stand to see anyone suffering.

anyway, thanks for sharing.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Good work Ohno...applying the tools and principals of the program allows us to
recognize what is going on around us and then allowing us the choice of what
we can and want to do about it if anything at all.   I have learned that I don't
have to react to everything or fix everything I think is broken.   I can choose to
let go and let God or anyone else for that matter. The life I have is a gift from
God what I do with it is my gift to God.   If I am soooo busy reacting to everything
going on around me I don't get to build my own life and this is one of my sorriest
remorses...that I spent too much time trying to straighten out other peoples lives
so that they can benefit and as a result I didn't benefit at all and had no life. "Get
a Life" is good suggestion. Get my own life.   There are too many other people
out there with their on thoughts and personalities and choices of doing things
that I'll never live long enough to fix them all.

The elephant in the livingroom in our program is about secrets that the disease
exists. That everyone else keeps walking around it shows their attitude about
it. Bumping into it all the time and trying to move it around or hide it or screaming
about it for me never got me any help with the elephant.   I learned how to stay
out of the living room and went out in the yard to play and have happiness.

I have learned here that I cannot think my way into better behaviors. I need to
behave my way into new thinking.   It is a twist and today I agree with it because
I learned how to stop analyzing everything and faithfully acted upon the program
with faith. I did the best I could with what I had and one of those was great
sponsorship and practiced until it got better.   Acceptance today for me is only
a part of my thinking...Al-Anon taught me to accept the "fact" that things were
the way they were and not the morality of it.    Yes what was going on was
wrong and sick and I choose not to participate in it or try to impose my will over
it or anyone involved in it.   The fact is that it happened or was happening. The
fact was I was powerless over it...didn't cause it, couldn't control it and couldn't
cure it. God can and I'll let Him. God cannot fix it either if the other people are not
willing and honest.   God accepts that fact also.

It sounds like your Mom knows you and how you operate...looking at the picture
from a different angle. We teach the family what we are like also by our compulsive
fixing attitudes and behaviors. We teach each other well.

When you start to fix yourself and get rid of those thinking patterns, feeling patterns,
and reactive habits we will change and then the play on the stage will not be
able to go on because we have changed our script.

Keep up the good work. (((((hugs))))) smile

ohno · Senior Member

unfortunately, i am back after five years and have even worse news than i had way back when (of course, it's progressive . . . )

i am glad this forum is here - i really need it.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome. You said so much here. I suggest returning to alanon, getting yourself back on track, getting the support you can only get from real meetings. Its sad that the alcoholism has continued to the next generation despite you sending her to alanon. It seems to me genetics may have a part to play as well. Her time spent at alanon may still be of benefit to her somewhere down the line.

It sounds like you have become obsessed with your daughter and i can understand that, its different from the husband problem drinker. It could be that you need to give yourself a break. You cant solve this problem for anyone, taking on the weight of the worldscould make your health suffer and then your no help to anyone. Worrying and projecting and hiding this and keeping it all to yourself is unhealthy and part of how alcoholism has got its grip of you too as well as your daughter. Whether you chose it or she did is doubtful to me. Who would give themselves this life really? Its a disease and you are suffering from it too. Your daughter is acting out because shes full of guilt. Live and let live is a tricky slogan but it gave me instant relief. She has the right to do as she wishes, its not really anyones business but with that comes the full consequences of her own actions. Best of luck to you.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The door has always been open to you and the fellowship remains in support of you and your recovery. Inhale...breathe...let it out and speak for yourself with us. ((((hugs)))) smile

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Just like Jerry said the door is always open. Please come and join us because there is ESH that we all need.

I also have a AS that is now doing 2+ years in prison because of his choices to continue to drink and drive. He is safe for now and for that I am grateful.

You are not alone my friend so keep coming back ((( hugs )))

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Thursday 18th of December 2014 05:03:41 AM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome back, there are new and old friends here smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome! Sorry for the pain this disease has caused you.

ohno · Senior Member

thanks to one and all for the warm welcomes. i hope to get to know you.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I love your sweet fur baby smile

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

First of all, welcome! And I love your dog. As you can see, I have a Chihuahua too. Letting go has been hard for me. I have an alcoholic husband. I moved out in March with my kids. We have one child together. What I have found is that no matter what I do to try and help him and no matter how long I wait, it doesn't really matter in his recovery. HE has to be the one willing to get help. I have to turn him over to his higher power, and I have to look to my HP for help. He has chosen alcohol and mental illness over having a family. He got fired from his job. We are losing our home to foreclosure. The way I cope with all this is to go to Al anon and talk to my sponsor. I am also working the steps. Having a sponsor is really important. A few examples of letting go for me: one time he begged me to take him to the hospital because he had been drinking and in bed for about 5 days. I went to my sponsor for advice...she told me he can take a taxi. Guess what?! He took one! Believe me, I have tried a lot of things to get him help....nothing helped for long. I am still thinking sometimes that I might have some magical words to help him feel better. I am not that powerful! Only he is! He has to be the one to want change. But he doesn't. It makes me sad and worried, of course. But I can't let him have power over me. The A only has power over us if we let them! They don't have to be running the show called life...unless we allow them! I've heard of people on this forum cutting off relationships with children, too. I can understand how that might be harder than leaving a husband. But, you deserve peace and serenity.
Thank you for your post. It helped me to reach out and tell you the things I've done and the things I need to work on. This forum is a recovery tool for me. Keep coming back!

ohno · Senior Member

Thank you, Newlife (and all others who have responded!). I LOVE examples - thanks for providing some great ones. I need to hear more and more stories like this. It seems like there is a lot of recovery on this board.

I have a lot of fears about homelessness, etc. - what he will need in the SLE and how he will get it (and also fears about his increased anxiety contributing to a relapse and then . . . on and on and on).

I am striving to come to terms with my fears and allow my HP and his HP to work.

I did tell him in a letter I wrote today that I would provide "x" therapy sessions, would make the financial arrangements directly with the provider and can't provide transportation. As I mailed the letter, I noticed the bin was full and worried the letter would get lost and also worried that he might not receive it due to Christmas mail and maybe he will be gone, etc. You can see how my mind works. Kind of like his in his sharing of his distorted thinking. I finally said to myself, "I have to let this go and trust the process and the HP's).

It's not easy stuff.

I will look for a sponsor.

My last one disappeared into the ether without notice - but then she was also an alcoholic, so I am not surprised.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.