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Post Info TOPIC: Do's and Don'ts


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1508
Date:
Do's and Don'ts


Hi ((((Family)))

I posted this in the chat room tonight..and was asked to post it up here too.  We read this at my face to face meetings, especially when we have a newcomer!

Some great things to remember when living with the family disease of alcoholism.

Do's

Do learn the facts about alcoholism.
.
Do talk to someone who understands alcoholism.
.
Do go to Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, or to an alcoholism center.
.
Do develop an attitude to match the facts.
.
Do take a personal inventory of yourself.
.
Do maintain a healthy emotional atmosphere in your home.
.
Do encourage new interest and activities.
.
Do pass your knowledge of alcoholism on to others.
.
Do seek spiritual help.
.
Do get a sponsor.

Don'ts

Don't preach or lecture.
.
Don't argue with a drunk alcoholic.
.
Don't have a "holier than thou" attitude.
.
Don't use the "if you loved me" appeal.
.
Don't make threats you won't carry out.
.
Don't hide liquor or pour it out.
.
Don't resent the method of recovery.
.
Don't expect immediate contented sobriety.
.
Don't try to protect an alcoholic against alcohol.
.
Don't be discouraged by the mistakes you make.



Yours in Recovery,
David

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Laughter is the Beginning of Healing


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 514
Date:

((((((((((((((David))))))))))))))))))

I love that list and the best one for me right now that stood out a mile was,

"Don't be discouraged by the mistakes you make."

Boy have I made some mistakes and boy o boy have I beaten myself up about them and still do, I am taking this list and putting it up on the inside of my wardrobe, cos it's just for me right now and I will read it every morning when I get up and dressed. I need to start the day with FOCUS.

THANK YOU HONEY BUN. sun.gif

Suzannah
heart.gif

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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.

Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.


~*Service Worker*~

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Date:

What a wonderful list.  How lost some of us become. I certainly was.  I had no idea how to cope/live with/find my way out of the morass I was in.


maresie.

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maresie


Senior Member

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Posts: 477
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Thanks for posting that, David. The "don'ts" read like my "to do" list in my former life with my A. Gosh - it's so interesting to read that and now see how sick it all was. I also like the "do" list and have made mental notes of those things. Very eye-opening for me. Thanks again.

~R3

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 653
Date:

Thank you my friend.  Simple, to the point, exact, easy to digest, powerful and proven winning reminders.   

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~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks for posting this (((((David)))))

Hopefully I can learn to adopt more of the "Do's" and less of the "Don'ts". With a lot of help from my HP.

Take Care,

Claudia




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A person's a person no matter how small  --Dr Suess


Newbie

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Being new to this I have one question. Our son is an alcoholic and is in a rehab right now. We have had to hide our alcohol for many years. How does it help him if we leave it in the open? Thanks Gloria

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Gloria Comingore


Senior Member

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Thank you David for this great list and for your service. After spending a week in close quarters with my family I really used many Al-Anon tools to keep my mouth shut and maintain my sanity. Pretty sure at one time I used all on the don't list not realizing how they only added to the chaos. Hiding or disposing of liquor never helped either as an alcoholic will only find another way to satisfy their need.

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HES



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3467
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My take on that last question is that it's futile to hide the alcoholic's alcohol.  I think many of us have thought we could solve the problem just by making his alcohol harder for him to find.  Of course unless they're in recovery, making drinking slightly less convenient has no effect on them.  If they're in recovery, I think removing obvious temptation is a helpful thing - the same thing as the alcoholic not walking into a bar.  Just my thoughts, take what you like and leave the rest.  I like the list a lot.



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Newbie

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Thank you, I am new here but not to alcoholism. This was the first thread I read. I will read this daily or more if needed.

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Ellen Mcqueen


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 15235
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Welcome Please do keep coming back



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Newbie

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Why can we pour the alcohol out or hide it?

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Chloe


Senior Member

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Posts: 106
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Hi Chloe, In my experience an alcoholic will find a way of getting alcohol regardless of pouring out and hiding it. There will always be money for alcohol and if they can't find the alcohol, they will just get more. We can't change them, their recovery has to come from themselves. Constantly hiding the alcohol or counting the number of cans in the bin (both things I have done in the past) just drove me insane. I have to let it go and accept that he will do what he will do and I work on what I can change in the environment.

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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band



Newbie

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Date:

I am new to Al-non. I am hoping through this fellowship that I can find the strength to stop doing the "Don'ts". My partner is currently in a treatment facility and relapsed after a weekend pass home. I am so angry and resentful. I can't even bring myself to talk to her on the phone much less go visit. The treatment centre is an hour away, as a result of the relapse as lost her privileges. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I want to hear, let go of the anger and resentment so I can be a better parent to our 5 and 3 year old

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Lucy Fernandes


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome Lucy I am so sorry to read of the disappointment that you are experiencing . Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. Al-Anon is the recovery program established for families of alcoholics because we too need a program of recovery after living with the disease.

We tend to become angry and frustrated without even knowing it. Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities and by attending these meetings, breaking the isolation caused by living with alcoholism, we begin to recover,.The simple tools of living one day at a time, focused on ourselves, and by not reacting but responding, all helped to restore our self-esteem and self-worth. Please search out meetings and keep coming back you're not alone.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Newbie

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I'm new here. Do I belong if just split up with drug user of 10 years? No alcohol involved. I liked the note. Inspirational.

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Hbennett


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome bymyself ==Please do keep coming back and sharing.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Newbie

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Posts: 3
Date:

My husband relapsed and I found a whisky bottle in his cabinet. Now that I'm reading this list, I did everything wrong.  I texted his sister, who bails him out (figuratively and literally) because I was angry and am sick of him lying to everyone.  REALLY wish I would have read this post beforehan...



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7513
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Welcome lovetractor - no need to concern yourself with 'then' - 'now' is what matters. Glad you are here!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Newbie

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Posts: 3
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Thank you, lamhere...I'm going to keep coming back.

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Member

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Hi everyone. I'm new here. I have been looking for a support group who will understand what I'm going through. They don't understand the nature of this illness that is Alcoholism. Most will just ask me to leave. I don't want to and I want to make things work between me and my A. He relapsed last night and I was presented with so many things yesterday. This prompted me to come here after more than a year of being with my A. He's been with AA for 5 years or so, in and out but took it seriously when we got together. It's his 8th month today, my first day in Al-Anon. In those 8 months he relapsed a lot, would go to meetings religiously and would drink at some occasions with 2 or 3 major incidents, 1 of them was when he committed suicide while drunk. I need help for me, him and us.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13314
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Fil0...welcome to the MIP family and good on you reaching out for help and support.  That is the first display of courage which Is so necessary for changing the things we can as mentioned in the Serenity Prayer.  

Your post reminds me of myself when I first got into Al-Anon and would describe "Her" ad-nauseam.  And then came the question "So what is it about you"?  and I couldn't answer because I was always habitually looking at what she was and wasn't doing and never myself.   I didn't know me which was the first suggestion from the program at that time..."Get to know you...the good and the bad" and keep coming back.  That is a 4th and 10th step question and endeavor.  I love the program and how It works and the fellowship which is open and loving.

Welcome to the board and keep coming back.   ((((hugs)))) smile 



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Member

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Thank your for the warm welcome. Really appreciate it.

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Newbie

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Thank you for your post...there is so much truth here that makes complete sense.

*As a newbie, I want to ask, what do you mean when you say "match the facts"?  Just wanted clarification.  

Thank you for sharing this.  



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Newbie

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I do need to remind myself of that list everyday



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