The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm not sure whether I am expecting too much out of my sponsor or not but it seems every time I call her and I'm going through something that I need help with her response is "I'm sorry you are going through this, but this too shall pass, you just have to walk through it".
I have told her that I want to work the steps one on one but she is very busy and never seems to have the time to work with me.
Do I need to look for a new sponsor? Do I need to look at my expectations and what is behind them?
Looking for a new sponsor in my area is tough, with the current group we have in our meetings it's hard to find someone that has worked the steps and isn't sicker than I am.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Personally, I would try to find a new one, but, I have yet to find one at all. Maybe I'll end up with your old one and she will be wiser about her ways after beind dumped. LOL one can always wish. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Sorry to hear your sponsor is not working with you the way you would like her too. Is there any oneelse in your f2f meetings that you can use on a temp basis until you find someone suitable for you?
I agree with everyone else. I would keep her but be looking for another sponsor. You need someone who will listen and not respond with the normal cookie cutter responses. We all know all of this will pass...yadda yadda yadda we just need help getting through it so it can pass. I totally understand ya. Keep coming here. We will listen and give you responses. ;)
Sometimes, I think people agree to be sponsors when they shouldn't. Not that they are not good people or that they are not extremely wise, just that they are too busy. I would certianly try and talk this out with my current sponsor but if she is truly too busy to be able to give you some time to work the steps then maybe you should look for another person.
I cannot imagine at this time in my life having that kind of time to give to another person. Yet I would feel bad about saying no to someone who was in pain and trying to find healthy productive ways to get through it. I believe that our hearts rule our heads at times and we make commitments that we truly want to keep when in reality our lives don't lend us the time to keep them.
My take on it lilms
-- Edited by lilms at 10:14, 2007-04-11
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I do not like that, "I am sorry, but that's tough" attitude either. I already know that without a sponsor. Like the others, I would be attempting to find someone with a bit more compassion, and maybe even some *shudder* advice...well, let's call it suggestion.
Best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
That is a very difficult situation. I have had some difficulties with sponsors also. My first sponsor's life style & work duties changed so she doesn't attend meetings anymore. She was really very busy & unable to take my calls. So after much prayer and seeking spiritual guidance, I decided to find another sponsor.
I have been working with my present sponsor for about 10 months now. It has definitely not been an easy path. Mostly I have learned that I really have difficulties in expressing what I want from a sponsor. Communication has been the key and it hasn't really came easily, but it is getting better.
Now, do you know that just because this sponsor/sponsee relationship was working at one time, doesn't mean that you are meant to be sponsor/sponsee for life. Recovery is about applying the tools of the program to your life. If this relationship is not mutual benefical, then is it working for you? Possibly can you talk to her, tell her that when you are experiencing a difficult situation that You know "This too shall pass", but would possibly like to do some work on processing the emotions of the situation, putting it through the steps, breaking down to the root of the problem.
Maybe that would open up the relationship to working deeper on the recovery part.
I hope that you are able to find a peace in this search for what is right for you,
One Day at a Time, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I have had asponsor for a year.she walks the talk. She is really helping me work the steps. At first we met together face to face .she says she loves me but now only wants to work with me on the phone. I don't understand. I feel like she's scared of me and wants to distance herself.it seems unfare and I feel rejected. I'm afraid to give her up because maybe this is good enough and I need to learn to be independent.i may not find anyone as experienced who will take me on.i don't want to take it personally but I feel sad and foolish .she doesn't want me at her home meeting, doesn't let me when she's coming to mine ,clearly doesn't want to converse.what now?
Hello Kathryn Welcome --If you have had a good relationship to date I would address this topic with her and await her explanation.
FYI I have several sponsees and although I do see them at meetings, most of our contact is over the telephone. It works for us. The whole relationship is one that can be negotiated so talk things over and reason things out. It works
